들어주는 지혜

사람을 편안하게 해주는 친구가 있는가 하면 다소 불편하게 하는 친구도 있습니다. 늘 바쁘다고 하면서 자신의 일에만 몰두하는 사람도 그런 부류에 속할 것 같습니다. 저 자신도 이런 종류의 사람이 아닌지 반성해봅니다.

개인적으로도 시간 관리를 철저히 하려 애씁니다. 무엇인가를 하지 않으면 또 스스로 조금씩 발전해가지 않으면 퇴보하는 것이라 믿기에 늘 바쁘게 움직이면서 살아갑니다.

그러다 보면 다른 사람들과 함께 푸근하게 시간을 보내며 교감을 나눌 기회가 적습니다. 조금씩 나아진다고는 하지만 아직도 부족함이 많은 자신을 발견합니다. 

겸손하게 다른 사람의 이야기를 들어주는 것이 말을 많이 하는 것보다 더욱 귀하다는 사실도 깨닫습니다.

<Time to one-up the one-upper>

Dear Adviser: I have a colleague who no matter how busy or stressed or happy I am, her life is always busier, more stressful or happier. It's to the point I don't even like talking with her because anytime I share anything, her response is an attempt to one-up me. I don't like conversation to be competition. What should I do?

 

Dear one-upped: It sounds like your colleague feels the need to make herself look like the high woman on the totem pole. Or she is looking for attention and enjoy's being the martyr. Some people have boring or sad lives and make themselves feel better by trying to appear like they are outdoing others.

Maybe she has an inferiority complex. People like this are also usually experts at turning things around on you if you call them on it. She may not even be aware that she is doing it anymore. It's possible you are being overly sensitive and it just seems like she is trying to one-up you. Look at your own responses to her before you do anything about it. If you consider her a friend, talk to her about it. If you are strictly colleagues and only talk in passing, ignore it or keep the conversation away from anything in personal.

We often share too much personal information with work colleagues anyway, so it may be time to stop the behaviour altogether. If you don't give her anything to respond to, she will either make it up herself, or stop. You could also stop talking to her and avoid her if possible. Or...have some fun with it. Every time she one-ups you, one-up her right back. Pretty soon you will be living in a castle with three SUVs and a husband straight out of GQ. You get the picture, and so will she.

(source: 24hours June 18, page 35, by ROBIN ANDERSON School of life)