디시 필을 잡으며

글 읽기 좋은 계절입니다. 평소에 잘 읽지 않는 사람일지라도 가을이 오면 책 한권쯤 읽고 싶다는 생각을 하지요. 많은 사람들에게 읽는 기쁨은 큰 기쁨중 하나입니다.

읽는 즐거움도 즐거움이지만 쓰는 기쁨 또한 이에 못지않습니다. 쓰면 생각을 정리할 수 있을뿐더러 삶의 흔적을 남길 수도 있지요.

때로는 쓴다는 것이 큰 부담으로 작용할 때도 있습니다. 펜을 잡았다하면 저절로 줄줄 써지기도 하지만 한 줄을 쓰기도 힘들 때가 있지요. 아이디어가 고갈되어 더 이상 써지지 않을 때에는 아예 필을 놓고 쉬기도 합니다. 

최근 두 달간 글을 쓰지 않고 지냈습니다. 써놓은 글을 읽으니 뭔가 가식이 있는 듯 느껴졌습니다. 체험이 가미되지 않은 글은 거짓이라는 생각도 들었습니다.

글을 쉬는 동안 한국에 다녀왔습니다. 지인들을 만나고 친구를 만나면서 그리움에 젖은 마음을 달랬습니다. 한국으로 떠나기 전 뇌에 종양이 발견되었다는 이야기를 들었으나 정밀 조사결과 양성이라는 소식도 들었습니다.

다시 글을 쓰고 싶어졌습니다. 글을 통하여 생각을 나누며 힘을 얻고 싶습니다.    

<How do I love thee? Let me rhyme the ways: 2,017 poems, 2,017 days>

Every morning, after he shaves, combs back his romantically long white hair and makes coffee in the percolator, Bill Belfontaine, former Scarborough alderman and controller, sits before his computer and writes a love poem.

In the past 2,017 days he has written 2,017 poems, never missing a day. He is 84.

The poems are formal and courtly, in the style of another time – a Victorian gallantry to express his ardour for a younger woman known as M.

Self-educated – he left high school to help his mother support their family – he has high aspirations, but few illusions. "I wasn't going to be another Robert Browning, but I wanted to communicate in a way that felt real, but also had a lot of fineness."

Composing, he chooses a word and lets his mind roam around it. Yesterday's was "flow": "In the early morning's flow of light, I rise to spend the day with you ..." the poem begins.

"I was thinking of the flow of my heart toward her," he said. "I looked out the window and saw the trees moving back and forth. It's a soft, gentle word you can romanticize."

He met his muse at a book fair in 2004 and was struck by her beauty and poise. A few weeks later they met at a party. "This gorgeous lady smiles as if she knows me ... I thought, `I'm here to meet people, I might as well start here.'"

Lunch at the Art Gallery of ontario followed and then, day after day, a poem. It has been an unexpected way of experiencing love.

M. has declined to be identified. "The poems are so special," she says, "like a private diary ...

"But I'm so delighted to be the recipient and I accept them with great gratitude. I find them uplifting, touching ... I am in awe of his commitment and ability to stay connected and the constancy, no matter what happens."

And at his age, things do happen. She was with him in hospital as he was preparing for a medical procedure, fervently writing a poem on a yellow legal pad that he had the presence of mind to bring with him.

"They aren't suggestive" but more delicate, "a feather boa," he says. "Love can be interpreted in everything, if your mind is available to look for it."

Their bond is not typical, says M. on the phone. "It transcends anything we could consider a relationship, it's a romance of bygone days ... I care deeply about him and will always look after him. His presence in my life is very important."

She says, several times, "He is a beautiful person."

Belfontaine left public office after 18 years when he lost to Brian Ashton in 1988. He ran a public relations firm, revitalized the Toronto chapter of the Canadian Authors' Association and started a publishing company. He called it, not surprisingly, White Knight Books.

"The name alone tells a great deal about him," says Rev. John Niles, a United Church minister who met Belfontaine in 2005 while publishing his first book, about his life as a foster parent.

"I think in some ways he is a white knight, someone who goes out to make a difference in his own way. He brings writers along who have an important message."

Married twice, with six sons, Belfontaine lives alone in a Balmoral Ave. apartment. There's a delicacy there, too – crystal in the cabinets, creamy French provincial furniture, the white brocade sofa and chairs. In his study, there's a statue of a white knight. He has a book of Ovid's love poems, The Little Prince and a Michael ondaatje anthology.

There are gifts from her: a lovely white teapot, a hibiscus tree with a metal W (for William) and M hanging from its branches.

As a politician Belfontaine championed youth and women's shelters. He saw himself as a "street politician" seen more organizing neighbourhood groups than at city hall. He wept once, at a press event, talking about the difficulties refugees face arriving in Toronto.

"He is a very pure person, only sees good things," says M. "He's the only person I know who stops every time he sees a homeless person."

"We have our own lives, we're not entangled," Belfontaine says of W. and M. "I urge anyone who can do it to use poetry to strengthen their lives and make them fuller."

Thirst

By Bill Belfontaine

M.

Drink deeply from the cup of love

Let all that’s seen beyond the rim be generous

Then raise the chalice when all sweetness found

To toast our beloved and carefree togetherness

W.

Wednesday September 8, 2004

M.

Why am I bright in sunlight

When clouds are overhead?

Why am I bathed in moonbeams

When its darkened night?

Why do I thrill with music

When quietness prevails

Why am I inscribed with words

When the screen is silent?

Because you,

in all your beauty

Dwell inside

me

W.

Tuesday June 21, 2005

When love

M

When love’s sweet ode

Caresses round thy heart

And brings dear words

All meanings to impart

And sallies forth the feelings

Of desire

And makes the rainbow’s hue

Unfurl, a blossomed flower

So quiet be we there to know

To hear words sail on tender flow

That finds the sacredness of love

And folds us in its warmth, a dove

W

Tuesday August 2, 2005

Wish

M

I often wish

I could reach to catch a star

That I could bring to you

In worship from afar

I often wish

I could hold a moonbeam’s glow

And set in on your doorstep

To light todays that flow

I often wish

I could reach into the earth

To set on your finger

A diamond of pure worth

I often wish

I could sing okay

Then I would croon to you

Love ballads every today

I often wish

I knew magic ways

Then I could bring you

Only wonderful todays

W.

Sunday January 8, 2006

Oh, how I want

M.

Oh, how I want to soar with you

Above earth’s broad domain

To places where your happiness

Is what we’d choose to gain

Somewhere that cares are never known

Nor brief unkindness shown

A bright and shining paradise

That you and I call home

Amidst the goodness of the scene

We’d wander through today

Watch beauty stand magnificent

And sweet love is in our play

Where always seen is peace and joy

Gaining relevance in all

Each treasure found is manifold

They’re pearls of love we’ll call

Oh, how I want to soar with you

Above earth’s broad domain

To places where your happiness

Is what we will obtain

W.

Monday June 15, 2009

Sonnets

M.

How beautiful are the sonnets

Read, enjoyed from long ago

Enfolded in a loving cover

Over centuries that glean

Not all are romance in the off’ing

But there are so many held

That the wonder of the phrases

Bespeak the magic there in words

How blest the poets of the eras

As I would want to be

To bring thoughts of love endowed

From a heart with love for thee

W.

Thursday October 8, 2009

Flow

M.

In the early morning’s flow of light

I rise to spend the day with you

Where loving memories will conceal

The sweetness our todays reveal

Remembering well where we have been

And what our timeless ventures mean

That brings prior todays to mind

That flows the happiness full kind

I love you

W.

(Source: Toronto Star Friday, October 9, 2009 page 3)