데릴 스테파닉

한 남자가 다가오고 있었다. 흰색 셔츠에 청바지를 입고 있었는데 오십 대 중반으로 보였다. 그다지 크지 않은 키에 걸음걸이가 가벼웠다. 엷은 미소를 머금고 있어서인지 친근감마저 느껴졌다. 막 피어나기 시작한 대지의 새싹들이며 활짝 핀 개나리가 그렇게 보이게 했던지도 모르겠다. 남자는 날씨가 너무 좋아요 안녕하세요? 라며 인사를 건네왔다. 가벼운 눈인사로 답례하며 세워둔 자동차로 향했다. 잘난 체하는 뭇 백인 남자들과는 다르게 따뜻하고 친절한 사람이라 여겨졌다.
옆집 현관 앞 정원에서 보라색 라벤더 꽃을 자르고 있는 그를 다시 만났다. 자신은 아내와 둘이 살고 있는데 아침마다 정원을 돌보는 즐거움을 누리며 산다고 했다. 빵을 굽거나 요리하는 것이 취미라며 나중에 시간이 되면 차라도 함께 나누자고 했다. 중간 크기의 화분에는 오렌지 나무가 심겨 있었는데 가녀린 가지에 노란 오렌지 하나가 덩그마니 달려있었다. 자신이 직접 씨를 심어 키워온 것이라 힘주어 말했다.
당시 나는 직장을 잡아 포트이리로 이사 온 지 얼마 되지 않은 딸아이 집에 잠시 머무르고  있었다. 딸아이는 옆집에 백인 부부가 살고 있는데 한국 드라마며, 한국 영화를 좋아해 볼 만한 것들을 자주 추천해 준다면서 나도 보면 재미있을 거라고 말해주었다. 얼마 전에는 직접 구운 빵을 가져다주기도 했다고 한다.
남자는 자신을 데릴 스테파닉이라고 소개했다. 포트 이리에 있는 루터란 교회의 목사로 삼십여 년 일하다 막 은퇴했단다. 그동안 바쁘게만 살았는데 앞으로는 아내와 여행도 하고 자신이 좋아하는 빵 굽기와 요리도 하면서 여유롭게 살아갈 것이라고 말했다. 처음 보았을 때의 환한 얼굴과 가벼웠던 발걸음을 떠올리며 그럴만하다고 여겼다. 은퇴생활이 어떠냐고 물었더니 너무나 좋아 현실로 여겨지지 않을 정도라고 했다. 곧 아내와 함께 몇 주간 유럽 여행을 떠날 것이라고 들뜬 목소리로 말했다.
왜 그렇지 않을까. 젊은 시절에는 자식들 키우며 가족들 건사하느라 자신을 돌볼 시간조차 없었으리라. 때로는 사람들로부터 시달리기도 하고 매주 설교를 준비하는 등 바쁜 나날을 보냈을 것이다. 고된 일상에서 벗어나 은퇴자로 살게 된 것이 얼마나 좋을까. 아이처럼 기뻐하는 그의 이야기를 들으니 덩달아 신이 났다. 연배도 비슷한 데다 나 또한 은퇴를 앞두고 있어서 더 그렇게 느꼈을 것이다. 내가 토론토로 돌아온 후에도 딸아이는  데릴과 그의 아내 코닐리아가  빵이나 쿠키를 구워 주기도 하고 예쁜 카드에 격려의 글을 써서 선물과 함께 주곤 한다며 무척 고마워했다.
데릴 스테파닉을 만나고 돌아온 지 삼 개월쯤이나 지났을까. 딸아이가 전화를 해왔다. 데릴 아저씨가 건강검진을 받으러 갔는데 장에서 암세포가 발견되었고 열 번의  키모 치료를 받은 후 수술 여부를 결정해야 한다며 울먹였다. 믿을 수가 없었다. 막 은퇴하여 그동안 하지 못했던 일을 마음껏 하면서 여유 있게 삶을 즐길 것이라며 희망에 부풀어 있었던 친절하고 따뜻한 데릴에게 어떻게 이런 일이 있을 수 있단 말인가.
데릴을 다시 만났을 때는 키모 치료를 수 차례 받은 후였다. 그 사이 데릴은 다소 초췌한 모습으로 변해있었다. 수술 여부조차 알 수 없는 불확실한 미래가 자신을 힘들게 한다고 말했다. 목사로 살아왔기에 이런 일은 비교적 잘 견디고 이겨내리라 생각했는데 막상 당해보니 말처럼 쉬운 일이 아니라고도 했다.
차나 한 잔 하자며 우리 부부를 자신의 집으로 초대했다. 직접 만든 케이크와 막 내린 커피로 우리를 대접했다. 키모 치료를 받으며 수술 여부도 알 수 없는 불안한 나날을 보내면서 이웃을 초대하여 대접하는 일이 쉬운 일은 아니었을 것이라는 생각이 문득 들었다. 조심스레 말을 꺼냈다.
"하루하루 견디며 살아내는 일도 힘들 터인데 이웃을 초대하여 대접하는 일은 큰 용기가 필요했을 것입니다."
부부는 '헉' 하고 참았던 울음을 토해냈다. 알아주는 것이 고마와서 그랬을 것이고 아프고 힘들었던 시간들이 생각나서 그랬을 것이다. 혹 슬픈 기색이라도 보이면 서로를 약하게 할까 봐 아무렇지도 않은 듯 지내오기도 하였으리라.
데릴은 키모 치료를 다 마치고도 수술을 받지 못했다. 한때는 종양이 더 이상 자라지 않아 희망이 있다는 소식이 들려오기도 했으나 상태가 나빠져 호스피스 병동에서 지내야 했다. 결국 데릴은 지난주 금요일 10월 6일 정오 무렵 사랑하는 아내 코닐리아 품에서 숨을 거두었다. 
코닐리아는 고등학교 때 급우로 만나 평생을 함께 해온 남편을 떠나보낸 후 가족처럼 여기던 딸아이에게 먼저 소식을 전해주었다. 이 년 반 전 따스한 봄날 환한 얼굴로 만났던 데릴 스테파닉은 단풍잎 붉게 물들어 가는 가을의 초입 낙엽과 함께 떠나갔다.

Obituary of Darryl Richard Stefanik | Williams Funeral Services - https://williamsfuneralservices.ca/tribute/details/11484/Darryl-Stefanik/obituary.html

Obituary of Darryl Richard Stefanik | Williams Funeral Services

<To Gaze Upon the Beauty of the Lord! Darryl Stefanik’s Funeral Sermon / Pastor Larry Ritter - Trinity Lutheran Church, Niagara-on-the-Lake, Ontario, Canada. Sunday, October 15, 2023>
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Psalm 27:4
One thing have I asked of the LORD, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to inquire in his temple.
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Dear Cornelia, Anastasia, Franz-Paul and all of Darryl’s family, as well as his friends and his fellow members of Trinity congregation, If you were to ask me to summarize in one sentence my impression of Darryl, I would say with no hesitation: “Darryl was a man with a great appreciation for beauty.” From the beauty of opera, drama, music, visual arts, literature, television and film to the beauty of tap-dancing, bird-watching, cooking and baking, taking leisurely drives with Cornelia, sharing a meal with friends, and watching his grandsons devour a batch of freshly-made doughnuts or scarf down a whole plate of calamari—Darryl loved the beauty both in grand and magnificent creations of art and in small and intimate moments with dear loved ones. Just a week before he died, Darryl experienced the beauty of leaving the hospital for a few hours and going on a picnic with Cornelia and his brother, Mark.
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I am confident that you would all agree with me that Darryl had a high appreciation for beauty. This morning, I want to tell you of the very highest and greatest beauty beloved by Darryl.

TO GAZE UPON THE BEAUTY OF THE LORD! - PASTOR LARRY RITTER 1

Darryl was baptized into Christ and he lived as a child of God—deeply flawed (as we all are) but also deeply forgiven in Christ. And as a flawed and forgiven child of God, Darryl yearned for the beauty that is not fleeting, the beauty that is eternal, the beauty that is God.
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The beauty of God is what drew Jesus Christ, the Son of God, to the cross. The Bible talks about God and His holiness in terms of beauty.
In the Psalms, we pray: let the beauty of the LORD our God be upon us (90:17). And again and again, the Bible exhorts us to worship the LORD in the beauty of holiness (1 Chronicles 16:29; 2 Chronicles 20:21; Psalm 29:2; Psalm 96:9 KJV).
Now, the thing about God’s beautiful holiness is that it is a consuming fire (see Deuteronomy 4:24; Hebrews 12:29); nothing impure can approach the holy God without being consumed.
In the Book of Job, one of Job’s counsellors asks: Can a mere human being be in the right before God, can a man be pure before his maker? (4:17).
And centuries later, St. Paul gave the answer in his epistle to the Christians in Rome: all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:24).
God’s beautiful holiness is so pure and righteous that we could not survive for an instant in His presence.
But of course, included in God’s beautiful holiness is His eternal love for sinners.
That is why God the Father gave His Son to shed His pure, righteous, and holy blood, so that you and I could dwell forever in the blazing brilliance of God’s beautiful holiness.
Here is how St. John puts it in his Gospel: For God so loved the world, that he gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.
For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through Him.
Whoever believes in Him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God (John 3:16-18).

TO GAZE UPON THE BEAUTY OF THE LORD! - PASTOR LARRY RITTER 2

God does not desire impure mortals to be consumed in the fire of His pure and beautiful holiness. And so He sent His Son to shed His blood. Think of the shed blood of Jesus, not as an act of fatherly cruelty but as an act of divine love for us sinners. Think of the shed blood of Jesus as a protective covering, like fire fighters wear when they enter a burning building.
Jesus’ shed blood is a divine protective covering—the only way to shield us impure, unrighteous, unholy mortals from being consumed by the fire of God’s beautiful holiness so that we can dwell in the presence of Eternal Beauty and Holiness—in the presence of God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit—forever with eternal joy.
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This act of Jesus covering sinners in His blood is an beautiful, holy act of divine love, and the very heart of the Gospel of forgiveness, life, and salvation in Jesus’ Name. The Bible uses the word propitiation or “blood covering” to describes how all our sin, guilt, and shame are covered by Jesus in love.
Again, here is how St. John puts it: In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent His only Son into the world, so that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins (1 John 4:9-10).
That is why Jesus willingly laid down His life. Hung upon the cross, Jesus, our beautiful Saviour, stretched out His loving arms to embrace the whole world in His death, to cover all our impurity in the blood of His pure righteousness, that we might live forever through Him.
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Everyone will one day stand before God wearing something. What one wears on that day determines the sort of reception one receives from God. Either in damning unbelief one wears the filth and ugliness of one’s sinfulness. Or in saving faith one is covered in the beautiful holiness of Christ’s shed blood, and thus, with Christ’s righteousness.
We all are deeply flawed and poor, miserable sinners, deserving to be condemned in the consuming fire that is God.

TO GAZE UPON THE BEAUTY OF THE LORD! - PASTOR LARRY RITTER 3

But the Good News is that Jesus Christ is the propitiation [the blood covering] for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world (1 John 2:2).
This Jesus comes in His Word to you today. Jesus comes to you in all your sorrows, sufferings, sins, and failures. He comes with a gracious invitation: Come to Me, all who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28).
He comes to speak to you a beautiful word of promise and hope: I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in Me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in Me shall never die (John 11:25-26).
The birth, death, and resurrection of Jesus means that one day everything sad will come untrue (J. R. R. Tolkien). Already, because of the promise of the resurrection of the body to life everlasting, death has lost its sting, and the day is coming when death finally will be destroyed (see 1 Corinthians 15:54-57, 26).
What a beautiful day that will be!
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Darryl lived and died confessing that the Holy Trinity is the God of Beauty, who created all the fleeting beauty of this world—the beautiful God whom, to some degree, all this world’s beauty reflects, even if ever so poorly.
Darryl confessed that the death of Jesus Christ on the cross was the greatest and highest act of beauty the world has ever known. For the shed blood of Jesus became the divinely beautiful embroidered robe
that covers repentant sinners from head to toe with divine righteousness, so that they can stand before the holy God without being consumed by their impurity and sinfulness.
Darryl was baptized into Christ, and he confessed Christ his whole life long. He lived confessing his flaws and sins to God and trusting God to keep His promise that to those who confess their sins, trusting in Christ,
God is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (see 1 John 1:9).

TO GAZE UPON THE BEAUTY OF THE LORD! - PASTOR LARRY RITTER 4

Darryl loved going to church, and not just because he was a pastor. Darryl, and also his dear wife, Cornelia, loved going to church because they knew that here, in the house of the LORD, they would feast on the LORD’s beautiful love and holiness coming to them through the Lord’s holy Word and Supper.
Throughout all those chemo treatments and hospital stays, Darryl and Cornelia would tell me how grateful they were to still come to church.
And in Darryl’s last month, when they couldn’t come to church, church came to them through our celebrating of the Lord’s Supper at Darryl’s bedside.
Just four days before he died, Darryl heard the beautiful words spoken over the chalice: This cup is the new testament in My † blood, which is shed for you for the forgiveness of sins.
Even in his suffering, Darryl was fixated on the beauty of the Lord. One day, he spoke to me movingly of the beauty he found in his suffering, for he knew that the Lord was present in his suffering. And where the Lord is present, there is always beauty.
Darryl died confessing that nothing in all creation—not even death—could ever separate him from the beautiful love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord (see Romans 8:39). And thus, Darryl died having nothing to fear, for he died in the care of the God of Eternal Beauty and Holiness.
In love, through Jesus Christ shedding His blood on the cross, this God made a way for Darryl to survive an encounter with the consuming fire of God’s holiness without being consumed.
For through Baptism, Darryl was covered from head to toe in the bloody righteousness of Jesus Christ, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world (see John 1:29). Covered in the beautiful, loving blood of Jesus, Darryl has now been welcomed into Paradise by the Father with open arms. Yes, the one thing of beauty which Darryl has asked of the LORD and sought after his entire life, he has now received. For now Darryl dwells forever in the house of the LORD, to gaze forever on the eternal beauty of the LORD. Thanks be to God! Amen.
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Now may the peace of God, which passes all understanding, keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus to life everlasting. Amen.

TO GAZE UPON THE BEAUTY OF THE LORD! - PASTOR LARRY